This morning on my way to work I was listening to the Kane Show on Hot 99.5, a DC-based radio station. I should preface this entire post by saying that I listen to Hot 99.5 in the morning, because I think the Kane Show is hilarious, not because of the music they play. In fact, “hot” top-40 music is precisely the reason for this post- that, and the topic that was being discussed on the Kane Show this morning. Kane and his counterparts were discussing music artists that should retire. Their main reasons were that either half the band is dead or disbanded, the band itself is getting too old to tour or record music, or their new music just plain sucks. They gave examples of The Who, The Rolling Stones, Bryan Adams and Carly Simon- in that order pertaining to the reasons to retire.
This got me thinking. Why focus on artists that are past their prime? There’s plenty of “musicians” that are big now that I wish would retire already. For some of them, I feel their 15 minutes of fame expired about a year ago, and others, well, probably never should have had a shot in the first place. To keep this post under novel length, I’ll list only a few I wish would just throw in the towel already and go back to working at the mall.
#1 Soulja Boy
Is this kid really still selling records and getting radio play? It’s hard to believe that someone who’s break out hit was built around the phrase “Superman that ho,” and “Crank that” is making more money than, oh, let’s say a doctor, a lawyer, or anyone that actually contributes something to society. His skills as a hip-hop lyricist are terrible- terrible enough that I feel guilty using the name Soulja Boy and hip-hop in the same paragraph, and the majority of his songs sound the same. Don’t believe me? Listen to the two videos below. Moving on…
Pussycat Dolls
I’m still confused as to why the word Doll has an “s.” It seems to me that the only person in the group is the lead singer, Nicole Scherzinger. While she does have a decent voice, most of the girls behind her just dance around- sometimes I don’t even think they sing! Scherzinger should do herself a favor and make like Gwen Stefani and go solo permanently.
Any Actress That Thinks She Can Also Be a Singer
I’m sorry, but just because you can act doesn’t mean that you can sing as well. Heck, some of these actress attempting to have a music career can’t even act. Stick to your day jobs. Just because you have the money and backing to launch an album doesn’t mean you should. This means you, Heidi Montag, Lindsay Lohan, Scarlett Johansson, and Hayden Panettiere.
I’ll continue on with a short list: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus, T-Pain, Daughtry- the list goes on and on. You’re reached your expiration date…hey, not everyone can live to be legends. It’s time to move along and make way for the real musicians out there.
DC Maven 
